The Lust

As I said in my mission statement/profile bio, the intended aim of this blog is to psychoanalyse the reiatsu out of my love of Bleach and various other Bleach/Japan-related things. I thought a good place to start with this would be to talk about my recent re-reading of Bleach Vol. 40, titled 'The Lust'.

Now, I think it would also be useful to talk about the circumstances which led to this re-reading. I had bought this volume while visiting the London Forbidden Planet for this very purpose. I went in for the one book and left with four (Bleach volumes 25, 32 and 40, along with the second Scott Pilgrim volume - darn you sales!). The emotions that I went through while browsing and buying and in the aftermath, though, were intriguing. For one thing, I got the feeling I always get in Forbidden Planet - a slight feeling of fear and being out of one's depth. However, unlike when I've gone in there before to buy Hellsing volumes or Umbrella Academy comics, I was satisfied that my purchases were to be mainstream enough to be unobjectionable to the staff, whom I am always, always, always sure judge my taste. Yet I felt different when deciding which one to buy. I was talking in what I hoped was a knowledgeable manner to my friend next to me in a bid to look like I belonged there, but inside I felt like ... You know that one bit in Kill Bill Vol. 1? The bit where Uma Thurman's character goes to see Hattori Hanzo and he shows her his collection of swords, and there's that lovely, almost holy music playing in the background and she goes up to the wall of katana in wonderment, yet she hesitates before touching one of them, silently asking the creator's permission?

That is exactly how I felt when looking at those Bleach volumes. It was something else. But then, having chosen and bought the books, I found that I was sweating and felt slightly sick. I was simultaneously feeling overwhelmed by my positive emotions and feeling the same guilty thrill as if I had stolen the stuff.

However, the guilt I felt was explained later when I showed my purchases to my mother, she pronounced it to be 'trash' which wouldn't get me a degree (more on why she's wrong another time, perhaps). I must say I found her choice of word ironic, considering the word to be Ulquiorra Cifer's main catchphrase early in his Bleach appearances.

But, when actually reading the books - just before I fell asleep at night - my feelings were more akin to the Hattori Hanzo scene. It felt like my soul was being fed by something lovely. Strangely, Bleach is one of the few books which I would definitely say I consume as I read - it has that sort of feeling - but it isn't like fast food, tasty but bad for me. Reading Bleach when I'm in the mood makes me feel like all is right with the world. I think the feeling comes from both the beauty of the art (I have never seen a better aesthetic in any other manga) and just that release of watching an honourable fight. Violence in itself is never beautiful - movies like The Expendables show us this - but the idealised violence of Bleach, which can never truly exist in this world, acts as a sort of antidote to my soul's ills, to be taken, not frequently, lest its effects wear thin, but certainly in times of need.

Introducing BA RP

Here I would just like to take a moment to explain a little part of my interest in Bleach - namely, the fact that I take part in casual Bleach roleplay. This takes part on the Bleachanime.org forums, and I say casual to distinguish what is called the Divisions and the official BARPG. In the former, there's various 'off-topic', fun RP threads alongside the more serious stuff and in the latter you're expected to adhere to canon and character at all times. For the uninitiated, when I say 'roleplay', what I mean is writing about our character in fights, in missions and in between-fight/mission banter.

I chose this 'roleplaying lite', if you will, not just because I am terrified when I even begin to think of the massive amount of commitment involved in the BARPG (which stands for Bleach Anime Role Playing Game, btw), but also because I think it has much more scope for interesting creative writing, character development and socialising.

I'm writing this now, as, as a part of this blog, I hope to give regular updates on my BA RP adventures.

BA RP Update #1

I spent nearly all day today on BA forums, and, oh my goodness, I felt like I was losing my grip on reality. Part of that might have been the relatively short amount of sleep I had last night, but I found my movements in everyday life changing - I've felt this when not completely spaced after a night of Bleach watching, though, or just one episode sometimes. I walk taller, I close kitchen cupboards with a sort of swagger, I deftly sweep around corners and will sometimes punctuate an action by adjusting my wrist.

However, today, I was also spaced from lack of sleep, and the whole world just seemed unreal somehow. The boundary between the BA universe and mine began to blur to the point where I was acting as comfortably in the street as I might at home. I even considered sitting down in the middle of the pavement at one point.